How stepchildren can ruin a marriage and how to prevent that

How stepchildren can ruin a marriage and how to prevent that

This is not uncommon for a counselor or therapist to hear questions like “my stepchildren are ruining my marriage; what should I do?” Kids are often tough to handle even when you’re their birth parent; things can get much worse if you’re a step parent.

There are many ways your stepchildren can make your marriage life hell and subsequently cause a divorce; hence, you should be aware and be prepared to handle the situation efficiently before it’s too late. In this roundup, we will discuss some common indications, noticing which you should be alerted and the necessary steps should be taken immediately.

  1. They are jealous of the new relationship between you and your spouse:

If you see your stepchildren acting weirdly or trying to catch the attention of your spouse when you both are having personal moments; you should be alerted.

However, first, you need to accept the fact that your stepchildren have the same blood of your spouse and they are there before you entered. So, they will always have a special place in the heart of your spouse, and you should accept and respect that.

stepchildren can ruin a marriage

Then try to think why your stepchildren acting such way, are they getting enough time with your partner? I understand there would be a time management problem, especially for newlywed couples – but you should take things in your hand and let your stepchildren spend enough time with your partner.

  1. They are trying to take advantage of disagreement between you and your spouse:

This is a red signal. This indicates that you’re not abiding with some basic parenting rules, of which most important is – do not engage in heated arguments with your spouse in front of the kids. Solve your personal issues in personal places and in private times. You should remember that today’s kids are smart enough to detect such hints, and they will try to take advantage of the same. But why are they trying to do so? You better try to find that.

Remember, it’s very hard for them to accept another person as a replacement for their parent. Most of the time, kids of such broken families go through lots of emotional trauma. Here your role is very crucial, try to be compassionate of them and try to assure them that they are in good hands, by your love and gesture.

It’s true that stepchildren can ruin a marriage; at the same time, you can prevent that by showing your love and care for them.

  1. They are embarrassing you by mentioning your partner’s ex:

Are your stepchildren frequently mentioning/praising your partner’s ex in your face? Typically, it’s normal. At the end of the day, they share the same blood, and you can never be an exact replacement or equal. However, if they do it very often, you should think about it seriously. While you can’t be an equal replacement ever (neither you should try to be, too), you certainly can and should be “good enough” in your own way. Does your stepson praise a particular recipe his mom used to make for him? Do not try to make the same dish to impress him, that will be a grave mistake. Because your recipe would never be as great as his moms to him. Instead, make a new dish, a delicious dish of your own. Make him realize that you can be great too, in your own way. Try to talk to him about his mom sometimes and make him feel that you respect his mom, and you love him too.

Preventing stepchildren from ruining your marriage is not easy, especially if the kids are stubborn type. You should be patient with them, show them that you care for them and make them realize that you’re there not to take their birth parent’s place; but to make your own.